Written by Sherri, one of our EQUISS Caseworkers

What Is Consent?

Consent is something we encounter in everyday life, from agreeing to share personal information to giving permission for medical treatment. In its simplest form, it means freely agreeing to take part in something.

When it comes to sexual activity, consent is essential. It is the foundation of healthy relationships, mutual respect, and clear communication. Sexual consent must be given freely, without pressure, coercion, or manipulation, and everyone must have the freedom and capacity to make an informed decision.

Consent is required for all forms of sexual activity, including kissing, sexual touching, sexual acts, and sexual intercourse. It is ongoing and can be withdrawn at any time. If someone says "no," asks to stop, or otherwise communicates that they no longer consent, all sexual activity must stop immediately. Consent should never be assumed, regardless of a person's gender, sexual orientation, or relationship status.

Consent Is More Than Words

As discussed above, consent can be given verbally, for example by saying "yes," and it can also be withdrawn at any time by saying "no" or "stop." However, consent is not always communicated with words. It is about paying attention to the whole situation, including both verbal and non-verbal cues.

Under Section 74 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003, silence does not legally amount to consent, so it should never be assumed.

The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) also explains that a person's body language, physical reactions, and changes in behaviour can all indicate that they are not consenting.

Some examples of non-verbal signs that someone may not be consenting include:

• Covering their body with their arms
• Pulling their clothing tighter or trying to cover themselves
• Pushing someone away with their hands, arms or legs to create space
• Moving their head or body to avoid being kissed or touched
• Stepping backwards to increase distance between you
• Rolling away from someone during intimate contact

It is also important to notice changes in someone's behaviour:

• Have they become less responsive than they were before?
• Do they look uncomfortable or uneasy? 
• Does their body feel tense or stiff? 
• Have they suddenly gone quiet or stopped engaging?
• Do they seem frozen or unable to respond?
• Are they staring into space or appearing mentally checked out? 

These behaviours may indicate that someone is uncomfortable and may not be consenting. If you are ever unsure, the safest and most respectful thing to do is stop and check in with them. Consent is an ongoing process and should never be assumed.

Who Cannot Consent?

Under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, a person cannot legally consent in the following situations:

• Age: The age of consent is 16 across the UK and 17 in the Republic of Ireland. Anyone under 16 cannot legally consent to sexual activity.
• Intoxication: A person cannot legally consent if they are so affected by alcohol or drugs that they no longer have the capacity to make a free and informed decision, whether the substances were taken voluntarily or not.
• Unconsciousness: Someone who is asleep, unconscious or has passed out cannot give consent.
• Lack of mental capacity: A person may be unable to consent if a learning disability or cognitive condition prevents them from understanding or communicating their decision.

Myths About Consent

Misunderstandings about consent can contribute to the under-reporting of rape and sexual assault. Some common myths include:

• ‍"It can't be rape if you're married." Marriage does not imply consent. Consent is required every time.‍
• "It can't be rape if you're in a relationship." Being in a relationship does not mean someone has automatically agreed to sexual activity.‍
• "They eventually agreed." Consent must be given freely, without pressure, coercion, or manipulation.‍
• "They didn't fight back." A lack of physical resistance does not mean consent.‍
• "They were flirting." Flirting or kissing does not automatically mean someone is consenting to sex.‍
• "They agreed before." Previous consent does not mean future consent.‍
• "I bought you dinner or drinks, so you owe me." Paying for a date or buying someone drinks never creates an obligation to have sex.‍
• "What they were wearing meant they wanted it." Clothing or appearance never implies consent.‍
• "Only women can be victims of sexual assault." This is a myth. Anyone can be a victim of sexual violence, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

Creating a Culture of Consent

Teaching people that "no means no "is important, but on its own it is not enough to prevent sexual assault and rape. Consent education needs to go beyond this by helping people understand what consent looks like, how it can be communicated, and why it must always be freely given, ongoing, and respected by everyone involved.

Many victim-survivors are more likely to seek help for the effects of sexual violence, such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), than to disclose the assault or rape itself. Fear, shame, self-blame, and concern about not being believed can all make it difficult to speak about what has happened.

It is also important to recognise that sexual assault and rape do not only happen in dark alleyways or involve strangers. They can happen within relationships, marriages, friendships, families, or involve someone the victim knows and trusts. Harmful myths and outdated beliefs can lead some people to dismiss or normalise these experiences, making it even harder for survivors to come forward.

The more we talk openly about consent, challenge harmful myths, and educate people about healthy relationships, the more likely we are to create a culture where consent is understood, respected, and never assumed.