Written by Roisin, one of our EQUISS Caseworkers

In recent years, we've heard more online about things like the "manosphere" and "incel" culture. They have raised important questions about why some boys and young men develop harmful attitudes towards women and, sometimes, towards each other.

But this isn't just about the internet. Long before social media, boys learned how to treat other people by watching the adults around them. Fathers, coaches and other male role models play a huge part in shaping what children see as normal. A father who listens, shows kindness and treats others with respect is far more likely to pass those values on to his son, helping to shape the adult he becomes.

To look at this a little more closely, it is helpful to look how ‘gender norms’ have changed over the years.

So what are gender norms?

Gender norms are the expectations society places on men and women about how they should behave, speak and express themselves. Common examples include the belief that men should be strong, stoic and assertive, while women are expected to be nurturing, empathetic and emotionally expressive.

Children begin absorbing these messages from an early age. Whether through family roles at home or the behaviour they see from parents, male coaches and other role models, children quickly form ideas about what might be 'men's work' and 'women's work.' In many close-knit farming and equestrian communities, these attitudes can be passed from one generation to the next simply because "that's how it's always been."

Yet equestrian sport presents an interesting contrast. According to the FEI, women make up around 80% of dressage riders, 73% of event riders and 60% of show jumpers at grassroots level. However, that balance changes dramatically at the top of the sport. As of 2025, only four women were ranked among the world's top show jumpers, and men have won around 60% of Olympic eventing medals despite competing in smaller numbers.

These statistics don't tell the whole story, but they do ask an important question: what influences who progresses and whose voices are heard?

As children are exposed to a wider range of experiences through education, sport and media, they have more opportunities to question long-held assumptions. That creates an opportunity for fathers, coaches and other male role models to help shape a culture built on respect, empathy and accountability, rather than simply repeating the attitudes of previous generations.

Challenging ‘it's always been this way’

Challenging an “Its always been this way” attitude can be adaunting task. Here are some ways that this can be challenged in a safe anddiplomatic way.

• Be curious. Ask why something has always been done a particular way, and whether those reasons still apply today. For example, for a long time, there were jobs such as police officers and roles in the military that women were barred from accessing but as times changed, it was recognised that women were also capable of doing these types of jobs.
• Encourage open conversation. If we want people to listen to us, we also need to listen to them even if what we are hearing doesn’t align with our own views.
• Make suggestions for changing the old ways. Share evidence and positive examples where new approaches have led to better outcomes.
• Be open to change. Many traditions have evolved over time, and that's often a sign of progress rather than something to fear. They could be holding themselves back from their own success.

What breaking the cycle looks like

If children learn by watching the adults around them, then every interaction becomes an opportunity to model something positive. How can this be used to an advantage?

Fathers, male coaches and respected figures within the equestrian community have enormous influence. The way they respond to setbacks, speak to others and handle difficult situations all help shape what the next generation sees as normal.

If they can start to be more all-rounded role models, we may start to see a break in the cycle. But how might they do this?

Challenge old, out of date practices

Anyone who rode and fell off as a child might well remember the old motto, “Stop crying and get back on” - often followed by a frightened or injured child being lifted straight back into the saddle.

The intention may have been to build resilience or stop someone 'losing their nerve', but today we better understand the value of empathy. Taking time to understand why a child is frightened doesn't make them weaker - it helps build confidence and trust.

Be mindful of how people are spoken to or treated

I remember an old male riding coach who had a fabulous reputation for creating very good competitors however, his methods were very old school and possibly bordering on abuse. He would scream, shout, throw things, swear and call the rider names if they didn’t understand what he wanted from them.

When children repeatedly see respected adults behaving this way without challenge, they can begin to believe that's simply how people in positions of authority behave.

This scenario can also be transferred to the home environment - watching how a father speaks to their children, partner or even members of the public. Those everyday moments quietly teach them what respect really looks like.

Accept that times change

We've all heard someone begin a sentence with "In my day..."

Many practices once considered acceptable are no longer seen that way because we understand more about safeguarding, wellbeing and the impact our words and actions can have.

If people take the time to listen and understand someone else’s views, they may recognise there are better ways to address things.

Lead with empathy

Whether a child has fallen from their horse, is nervous about jumping that 7 foot puissance jump or simply doesn't understand an instruction, taking a moment to understand how they're feeling can make all the difference.

This again can be transferred to scenarios outside of the equestrian world. Whether it's helping with a task at home, trying a new sport or facing challenges at school, listening before judging helps children feel safe enough to learn and grow.

Never make someone feel small

Perhaps the simplest lesson of all is not to mock someone's fears or concerns.

This can breed resentment, cause someone to give up riding or other activities and makes the person feel small and humiliated. Power in the right hands can create some wonderful things but when it is abused, it only creates division and resentment.

Keep talking

Changing culture starts with conversation.

Whether you're a father, coach, yard owner or experienced rider, the way you speak, behave and respond to others leaves a lasting impression on the young people around you.

By encouraging open conversations, challenging outdated attitudes and modelling healthy relationships, we all have a role to play in breaking the cycle.

Children learn from what they see. Let's make sure the next generation grows up seeing respect, empathy, accountability and kindness - not because they're told to, but because the adults around them live those values every day.